Guy's Big Bomb.

Food Network star Guy Fieri's recently opened NYC restaurant, Guy's American Kitchen & Bar, was viciously (and hilariously) savaged by the New York Times in a scathing review published Nov. 13.

"Why[is] the kind of cooking you celebrate on television . . . treated with so little respect at Guy's American Kitchen & Bar?" food critic Pete Wells writes of the Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives host's Big Apple venture.

"Did you notice that the menu was an unreliable predictor of what actually came to the table?" Wells snipes. "Were you struck by how very far from awesome the Awesome Pretzel Chicken Tenders are? If you hadn't come up with the recipe yourself, would you ever guess that the shiny tissue of breading that exudes grease onto the plate contains either pretzels or smoked almonds? Did you discern any buttermilk or brine in the white meat, or did you think it tasted like chewy air?"

He writes that the watermelon margarita "glows like nuclear waste" and "tastes like some combination of radiator fluid and formaldehyde."

Wells describes the fried calamari as "a plate of pale, unsalted squid rings next to a dish of sweet mayonnaise with a distant rumor of spice."

The critic adds that the eatery manages to "mess up" nachos. "Why augment tortilla chips with fried lasagna noodles that taste like nothing except oil?"

"Does this make it sound as if everything at Guy's American Kitchen & Bar is inedible? I didn't say that, did I?" Wells writes, praising "appealing main dishes" marred by "ruinous sides and sauces."

Bemoaning the cold french fries, vegetable sides that taste "deadened" and "overcooked" like "school cafeteria vegetables," toasted marshallow that "taste like fish," Wells gives the eatery a "poor" rating with a "chaotic" atmosphere.

He adds of the service: "The well-meaning staff seems to realize that this is not a real restaurant."

This article originally appeared on Usmagazine.com: Guy Fieri's NYC Restaurant Bashed for "Inedible," "Greasy," "Ruinous" Food in Scathing Review